Healthy Grief Habits
By Allison Gary, LPC
Significant loss can bring a heavy mix of emotional and physical reactions. While grief is a natural response to loss, it affects everyone differently. Finding gentle ways to cope can help us navigate the pain of grief and create a sense of stability as we adjust to life after loss. Here are some healthy habits to consider leaning into when you’re grieving.
Permission to Take Your Time
Although it’s common to feel pressured to “get over it” or “move on”, grief does not follow a particular timeline. Simply put: integrating loss takes time. Give yourself permission to grieve at your own pace.
Allow Feelings
As much as possible, when feelings come up, it can be helpful to allow them without judgment. Emotions naturally change over time, and acknowledging what we are feeling helps us meet ourselves with greater compassion. Being curious about what is coming up emotionally can also provide clues about what we may need.
Express Grief in Safe Ways
Whether through journaling or writing, talking with a trusted person, or engaging in movement or creative expression, finding safe and sustainable ways to express grief can be helpful. Instead of engaging in any behaviors that risk physical harm to self or others, self-neglect or isolation, or substance abuse, it can help to share our stories, cry, talk, write, create. Giving our grief space to be expressed can help us process our experiences.
Postpone Big Choices
Especially in early bereavement, grief can negatively affect our concentration, attention, decision-making, and ability to think clearly. When possible, consider postponing major decisions until you have had more time and space to process your loss. Giving yourself that time may help you make better-informed choices, rather than decisions made under emotional distress.
Set Realistic Expectations
It can be common to compare ourselves to how we “used to be.” Grief often requires us to slow down—not because we are unproductive or lazy, but because we are doing significant internal work to adapt to life after loss.
Try to set expectations based on what you realistically have the capacity for right now. Some days, simply getting through the day may be enough.
Eat Small Meals and Stay Hydrated
While balanced meals and good nutrition are important, it can be difficult to motivate ourselves to eat when we are grieving. When we are in the acute stages of grief, eating something is better than eating nothing, and drinking some water is better than not hydrating at all.
You do not have to follow special dietary rules. Focus on your basic needs throughout the day and be gentle with yourself.
Gentle Movement
Gentle movement, such as simple stretches, short walks, or other comfortable physical activity, can be a helpful way to care for your body during grief. The expectation of running a marathon—or even maintaining your usual exercise routine—may feel out of reach right now. Shorter, less-intense activities are often more practical and beneficial in times of grief.
If You Can’t Sleep, Rest
It is common to experience changes or challenges with sleep after a significant loss. While adults are generally encouraged to get 7–9 hours of sleep each night, this may not always feel possible during periods of acute grief—and that does not mean you are failing.
If sleep is difficult, consider what helps you rest. This might include watching a relaxing show, listening to calming music, lying on a comfortable bed or couch, or simply allowing yourself to be still without pressure to “be productive.”
In the absence of sleep, rest is restorative, too.
Maintain Routine Habits
Whether it is brushing your teeth, following a simple skincare routine, taking medication as prescribed, or waking up at the same time each morning, maintaining small routines can provide a welcome sense of stability.
Simple routines can act as tiny anchors in the waves of grief, along with providing a small sense of accomplishment in the day.
Accept Help from Reliable People
Grief can make it difficult to reach out, even when we need support. When someone we trust offers to help, it is okay to say yes. And it is okay to ask for help from trustworthy people, too.
Allowing supportive people to help us carry some of the practical or emotional weight of grief can make the hardest parts of the journey a little more manageable.
Seek Information
Because we don’t talk openly about grief in our culture, finding helpful information can provide validation and reassurance. Today, you can find reliable materials related to grief and bereavement online, in bookstores and libraries, and through national or local organizations.
Learning about typical grief experiences, common challenges, and different coping strategies may help you understand what you are experiencing and identify approaches or skills that will be helpful for you.
Find Community
Being with others who can relate to your experience can provide a meaningful sense of connection and validation. Hearing about what others have experienced helps us reflect on our own grief, expand our perspectives, and feel less alone.
Support groups can be a particularly useful way to find meaningful connection with people who understand, personally and deeply, what living with grief feels like.
Access Professional Support When Needed
Sometimes one of the healthiest things we can do is recognize when we need additional support, beyond what friends and family can provide.
Individual counseling or other professional support may be necessary when grief feels especially difficult to manage or when additional support would help you navigate the challenges of loss. Reaching out for professional support may feel like a big and vulnerable step, but asking for help is not a sign that you are doing grief “wrong.” It can be an important part of caring for yourself and moving toward healing and integration.
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion means offering ourselves the same gentle, supportive, and caring attention that we might offer to someone we care about.
Practicing self-compassion not only helps us accept where we are and recognize what we need, it also softens our harsh inner commentary and makes space for the full range of our grief. We do not have to have everything figured out. We can meet ourselves where we are and give ourselves permission to be human.
Things to Be Mindful Of
Some behaviors are understandable short-term methods for coping with grief, but in the long run can become problematic when they begin to interfere with our ability to care for ourselves or stay connected with others. Some examples include:
Doomscrolling — becoming stuck in a cycle of consuming distressing or overwhelming content
Over-reliance on social media — using online spaces in ways that leave us feeling more isolated, overwhelmed, or distressed
Substance use as a primary coping strategy — relying on alcohol or other substances to numb or manage difficult emotions
Complete isolation — withdrawing entirely from supportive people or meaningful connection
Pressuring yourself to appear happy or “okay” — feeling as though you need to hide your grief or perform wellness for others
The goal is not to do grief “perfectly.” There is no perfect way to grieve, or even one “right” way to grieve. Healthy grief habits are simply ways of offering yourself care, support, patience, and compassion as you learn to live with and integrate your loss.